trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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