If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
