What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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