"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
