Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
