She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
