it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
