1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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