I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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