4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
