Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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