Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
