I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
