we're chasing vodka with high fives
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
