worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
