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If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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