Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
