I'm sorry my penis didn't work
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
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I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
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Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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