ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
