rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We're too hungover to prance.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
