I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
