Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize