so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
