dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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