Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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