I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
