the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
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I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
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You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize