are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
