I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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