Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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