This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
