We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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