Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
