I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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