So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
