HIV tests are more positive than that guy
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
True strength comes from lack of pants
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
