you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
