Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
