I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack