My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
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Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
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I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.