Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?