i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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