If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
