You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
