My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
