i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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