I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
