Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
