She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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