I hate all girls vehemently.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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