So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
