Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
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There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
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Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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