my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
