What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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