You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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