last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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