Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
