Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
