A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Dick very happy bro
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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