is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
