At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
