he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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