I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
