Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
