nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
