you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
