I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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