I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
