It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
