my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
