Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
