Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
